Now finally I have time and especially the peace of me to dedicate my long-delayed blog entry. Or Rather, there are several entries, because I so much on the soul that burns I have to write it down. Yes, and "must" is exactly the right word for it. For too long I had not the strength to devote myself to another thing to me is so important. Namely, writing down my thoughts. In general, the writing was in the last months ahead is difficult. I have so many projects started in the head, on the computer and simply had not the muse to take care extensively about it. Today, now on his way to work it has struck. The desire to write. Out of the blue, totally unexpected. And of course it was not possible to directly get started with it because it was more important orders of "older" Lordships answer. But now I'm home and have the time and still feel like something finally bring "paper".
have two and a half months ago now, I turned my back Trier. I got through what I have wished at heart a long time and now live with a dear girlfriend in King Wusterhausen, a town near Berlin. Yes, the capital of Berlin ... ... the first goal of my dreams. And yes, it's part of my dreams have been and still is somehow still. And yet I think so often about whether I've really pulled through. Have I really done? I Friends, colleagues left behind me to be a part of Berlin? There seems to be so. I can not say that I have arrived. Although I work and live here now, but the familiarity and the little feeling of security, what I felt for years in Trier, has not yet been set. Friends tell me that I should have patience with me. And they have also somehow right. But first, patience was never my strong point, and secondly, should not I finally start to look ahead instead of living in the past? Maybe I will answer myself to simply too much. This is almost certainly even so and it remains there this feeling. Although the feeling to be here and yet somehow to float in the in-between world. I'm not with her feet on the ground, because I do not know where I should land right now. Living with a roommate is a new experience for me, in my opinion, but rather has advantages and disadvantages. I come home and someone is there. Man is not alone. You do not have to cook only for themselves, can take care of someone and hold endless DVD evenings. All this is incredibly rewarding for me and if I can pull myself back to my room, it is also true that one does not quite alone. And it's a nice feeling that someone is happy when you get home.
I enjoy but it is also the long travel time to work, because then I only "I" am. Since then I have time. I have time to think and dream. And I know that my girlfriend certainly does not help. Everyone needs these moments for themselves. And although I know that there are a lot of people with whom I can meet me, I know for a long time, it is so long that the very familiarity is maintained to replace Trier with my girls, with nothing. And then there are moments where one not alone and yet so very lonely. One wishes the best friend to his side and I know that many kilometers from each other. I still remember about how painful it was when I left. My two dearest friends in the world could not and did not understand what happened there. I felt guilty, although it should be the best decision of my life. Today, with a little distance, I know she will always stand behind me. Behind my decision will be. Yet it hurts to know that I could not dry her tears. It has been lying in my hand to blow everything, but I have not done it because I was detached from my own chains. If I continue to remain in Trier, I would eventually know not whether I'm there for me or for my friends. And as much as I love these people and I miss so much I have to think well of me, right? Could I be so selfish and live my dreams? I think I had to do just that. I did not end as some people I know. Frustrated by life, because you have not lived his dreams. And I myself I would not complain at some point not to have done just that what I wanted and I was mainly possible. I find it hard to know that my girlfriend now has a little daughter and I this cute, little mouse do not see grow up. But even if I am not on site, so there are still my friends. Of course, such a move is always a big step. You can a piece of his heart back but the other way around and makes so many new experiences. It hurts to know how quickly you can disappear from the minds of some people. This experience I had after such a short time already done enough of that. But all the important people have stayed and the most important for me. I look forward to the day when I finally go back to Trier and meet people who are interested even now for what happened in my life. I miss my friends every day and yet I try to start my life here and to gradually take in hand.
When the first wound pain, the apartment was covered with great effort, Christmas and New Year's Eve stood at the door. With self-imposed stress, the home to be finished so that the parents of my girlfriend and feel good, especially the upcoming visit. The Christmas Eve was to spend alone is far from easy and has infinite cost many tears, but at some point this day was over. The rest of the Christmas holidays were just not nice. A warm welcome from the family of my roommate, I was able to breathe a bit and drop me. With many, many calls to Trier was the longing for my girls endure to some extent. And then came the week that has somehow made my own emotional world completely upside down. We have a Met people, we have some time "knew" and only had to learn somehow. Another week full of experiences, expectations and full of depth. A week in which people met, who knew either did not or had not seen. The New Year's day came and I spent the day with people who are now also become so incredibly important that I missed it no longer wants, and yet my thoughts were not all the time with these people in Berlin. As we all so because at the Brandenburg Gate stood, took us into the arms, some of them were crying, my thoughts were only for a short time ago in Trier. As much as I would have my girls, my best friend the arms taken and simply spent time with them. But it was not because I was now no longer part of this world. At least not at this moment. I know it will be many of these moments. Moments in which I overcome the missing and yet I am still of the opinion that I've made the right decision. Now to be here in Berlin to live and to dream has a meaning. And if he does not directly open up, it will surely one day come to this.
The first day in the new year was allowed to slowly approach and tried to calm the mind to repress the new upcoming bye. And yet my feelings overpowered me in the moment the car with two lovely people out of view and it was difficult to follow conversations and many days with recurrent outbursts of emotion. Another departure was difficult to sustain and even though I know now that it was not a farewell forever, I just could not come down again to have lost some of that feeling. I was afraid to put in a completely wrong side of me and so much important not to have spoken. Suddenly there was the feeling of doubt and somehow failed. Although the exact total nonsense, I made it difficult to get out of this crisis. Somehow I dragged myself through the days, doubted me and had just fear made me completely ridiculous. And what can I say, none of my fears is arrived only approximate. It took a lot of discussions and above all honesty, to master this crisis together. And now it is so that I can sit back and know that nothing has changed. It's still special and maybe we have to have my crisis move slightly closer together. There are common goals and dreams, and in just two weeks is exactly this man back to visit us and already I know that this weekend will be back just as great as that one week in December. The week, which made all our lives upside down and none of us ever forget is.
course I must also tell you about my first job crisis. This, of course, lies not long in coming. I was still stuck in a company that had all day to do anything else, like to call people and annoy. I can only assume because of me. Me annoying people who call for any call centers and aufquatschen me do anything. And I think that's why I have not mastered the job with dedication. And even if a cancellation is a blow to the gut in the first moment any more, it is still on the second sight, always a new beginning. On to new shores, the motto was, and after only a few Days I had a new job prospect. And exactly that I go to almost daily. Yes, it is again just a call center. But here it is after all, so that I am taking orders for more or less nice ladies. From shoes, to ham and towels, everything is represented. And I never would have thought it possible that I could be so fun to do something. And it really does. Sure, I'm really after eight hours of pure terror on the phone end. But I usually can finish my working day with a smile, because "older" people very well can be incredibly cute. My team is much larger than my Trier team. And I'd be lying if I would say now that I'm clear with everyone. Most people, however, are really super nice and it makes every day fun to go to work. But even here there is so that not a day goes by that I do not miss my round of Trier. Even if something was stress or conflict, so there were one or the other person is dear to my heart and no longer just a place as a colleague in my hearts. Not true, Mrs. Pocalinde ...;)
Every day in Berlin or king Wusterhausen consists of new experiences. Expectations, difficulties, perhaps, but ultimately a large amount of joy. And I'm looking forward to what will happen next. And you could I trust that I will continue to report about it ...;)
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